Wednesday, June 30, 2004
To one of few friends who touched my life,
Happy 16th Birthday, A.Priya.
I will never forget such an inimitable friend.
Special, so different, grappling with life with your own beliefs.
Loyal and faithful, a true blue friend who hardly lies.
You are the one.
Hope everything has been going on fine with you.
I have not heard from you ever since I left.
But that does not mean that you're no longer in my rumination.
There have been many times I'd just want to dial your number
and strike a conversation so smooth like we had before.
But my guts failed me.
I'm sorry I never took the step forward in maintaining this friendship.
If given a second chance, I'd want you back in my life again.
Although I know you'd probably never read this,
I just miss you, a hell lot.
1:21 AM
Tuesday, June 29, 2004
Saying I Love You is not the words
I want to hear from you
It's not that I want you not to say
But if you only knew
How easy it would be to show me how you feel
More than words is all you have to do to make it real
Then you wouldn't have to say
That you love me cause I'd already know
What would you do if my heart was torn in two
More than words to show you feel
That your love for me is real
What would you say if I took those words away
Then you couldn't make things new
Just by saying I love you
Now that I've tried to talk to you
And make you understand all you have to do
is close your eyes and just reach out your hands
And touch me hold me close
Don't ever let me go
More than words is all I ever needed you to show
Then you wouldn't have to say
That you love me 'cause I'd already know
What would you do if my heart was torn in two
More than words to show you feel
That your love for me is real
What would you say if I took those words away
Then you couldn't make things new
Just by saying I love you
11:50 PM
Honestly,
I hate not receiving a reply from you.
or whenever you nullify our appointments.
I don't seem able to talk to you abt anything or everything anymore.
It's like you're suddenly apathetic or smth.
Or else, you are alleged to be too occupied.
-shrugs. it just bites.
you know, sometimes vocals aren't vociferous enough.
I wanna spend time with you, but I'm repulsed.
Tell me, what am I to do?
11:32 PM
It's insufferable that every time that
I thought I would see you, I won't.
And when I think I wouldn't, you'd appear.
I hate the way you send euphoria up my spine.
9:41 PM
Different occasions arouse different judgements.
However, one occurence cannot determine that person's attributes.
Perhaps one should not settle on their opinions too resolutely then,
but step out, and put the bits and bobs together before conclusion.
That way, we might just be able to acknowledge someone impartially.
4:54 PM
Monday, June 28, 2004
Would you accept someone who has been loving you,
whom you do feel an indistinguishable feeling towards?
10:26 PM
I don't think I thoroughly know you anymore.
Candidly, your metamorphosis seems to be indiscernible.
Perhaps you've matured, you've drifted.
I know I will have to come to grips with that.
But somehow, the change seems to hurt.
Not you, but me.
10:12 PM
Lessons learnt today :
1. Men has a resilient ego-shield, their infirmity concealment.
2. Belle should
shut up.
3. When you're on the horns of a dilemma,
step out of the box and look at the bigger picture.
The solution might just be staring right back at ya.
4. God loves you too much to allot you a hitch that
He knows you would not be able to contend with.
5. Belle should learn to think indomitably.
9:43 PM
Saturday, June 26, 2004
What I want to do right now is..
To read your mind.
9:45 PM
I miss cher.
I miss xinying.
I wonder if they still dislike each other.
hmmmm.
12:19 AM
Friday, June 25, 2004
If you can't embrace my predilections,
bite your tongue.
Just do not revile it.
6:34 PM
Everyone has their own particular delineation of a best friend.
Yet a coinciding definition is difficult to find.
Although in some occasions, it can be inadvertent.
Well, I'm just glad I've found mine. :)
5:59 PM
Even one of many whom you deem extraordinarily special
has their own individual edge of faux pas.
Perhaps its their distinctiveness that conceals them initially,
but their blemishes will never fail to divulge itself with time.
When they do, the bearing would be more colossal
than you think the impact would actually strike you.
I should try not base my judgements on my assumptions,
but learn to progressively discover others' bona fide attributes.
5:24 PM
Life, by itself is sheer emptiness.
It's the little lessons we learn along the way
that adds on to its fullness.
5:20 PM
Thursday, June 24, 2004
3 things you did not know about belle.
1. I thought Elton John was blind.
Cause he never seems to take off his sunglasses.
And truthfully, I still have my doubts.
2. I used to think that the fax machine was a remarkable creation.
Being the fact that I thought the paper documents would travel
through the telephone wires to the other fax machine.
3. I had a phobia of taking cabs.
In fear that the taxi driver would kidnap me
and lock me up in a huge rattan box.
3:44 PM
Finally!
- I talked to Dawn after such a painfully long time.
You have no idea how much I missed her.
- Bought my Levi's today.
- Had a good dinner.
- Saw more clothes I want to get.
- Saw
her
- Bought a raving neat wallet.
- My pocket tells me it is the end of my shopping binge.
I miss Sem. :(
12:44 AM
Wednesday, June 23, 2004
I only wish to talk to you like before,
and hope you'd understand.
Accept me with my blemishes and flaws,
invite me to be part of your plan.
Just wanna spend time with you,
have fun like I had imagined we would.
But most wishes always fail to come true,
and I seem alone now, without you.
11:11 AM
Tuesday, June 22, 2004
It's amazing how love can detour to abhorrence that easily.
11:22 PM
Wednesday, June 16, 2004
"Well, nobody's perfect.."
Yes, that's fucken true, ain't it?
That should be something virtually everyone knows that by now.
But to manipulate that as a justification,
I think it is unquestionably fucken irresponsible.
In fact, it's puerile and appalling.
True, it is alright to commit mistakes.
As we trek down life's arduous voyage,
it is inevitable that regrets would be accumulated.
But it is from where we lay down our misstep,
that we discern and learn another value of life.
That is if one is willing to right his/her wrong.
I certainly do not acquiesce jostling the blame onto your blemishes.
Flaws are not meant to reviled and deplored,
but more of to be embraced and rectified.
But to thrust the culpability onto them,
that's downright contemptible.
To me, at least.
For I don't see flaws as what we should be mortified to possess.
They are the bits and bobs which create our being,
who we truly are, and who we are loved as.
Okay, not that I like my blemishes very much,
I'm still in the throes of
magnanimously accepting them.
And well, if there's going to be a persistence
in shoving the blame onto our imperfection,
one would end up not righting and learning from his faux pas
and never be able to uncover what lies beneath his blunders.
There's always a balance to positivity and negativity.
Every mistake happened for a lesson needed to be learnt.
What we receive after each rectification is an indubitable benefit.
And I think I babbled too much.
It's time for my brilliant korean show!
A definite MUST WATCH.
I'm staying up till 6am again. :D
11:09 PM
Monday, June 14, 2004
If mom comes back frustrated,
and if you ever blame or shout at her,
I'm gonna kill you.
I swear.
8:28 PM
Love is the wisdom of the fool and the folly of the wise.
-- Samuel Johnson
1:30 AM
Sunday, June 13, 2004
I wanna get away from here.
I earnestly need to.
I can't stay on much longer.
Tears just keep falling.
2:27 PM
Saturday, June 12, 2004
Great.
Emily's down with a fever too.
Hope it was not any of my misdoing.
And I think I unintentionally left something with her.
I want it back. =/
Anyway..
I Hope You Get Well Soon, Em.
7:54 PM
Yesterday :
Wild Wild Wet
The place seems smaller in comparison to Jurong's,
although it was much cleaner.
It was quite a heck of fun initially,
before I got pretty tired of it a couple of hours later.
The only thrilling ride was The Sidewinder.
It's the Half-pipe looking ride whereby 2 people sit
on a float and get pushed from dont-know-how-high,
and start plunging down as if gravity is out to kill you.
Went for it twice and almost fell out on the 2nd run.
My heart almost dropped. =/
The other rides are like any other rides you can find elsewhere.
Ohwell, at least the company was great. :)
Dinner and Stayover
I forgot the name of the restaurant we dined at.
But the food was absolutely succulent and sumptous.
A series of hiccups hit me at the restaurant,
which was absolutely embarrassing.
It didn't relinquish until Andrea helped me.
Thanks dearie. :)
but Andrea got annoyed with my refutes as I sat beside her.
Well, someone has got to do it. heh
Cheryl and I were caught in an almost similar predicament.
Joyce left shortly after :(
Most importantly, the birthday girl enjoyed herself. :)
Plus, everyone looked fabulous last night.
Went over to Rachel's to play monopoly after that.
Initially, my money was lost to Emily,
afterwhich, she lost all of hers to Wanyi.
For some reason, Carmen kept going to jail.
And Rachel refuses to get out of it.
Not to mention, Carmen goes vulgarly fanatical
if things didn't turn out as she wanted it to.
And another series of hiccups slapped me again,
which had Carmen and Emily into a paroxysm of laughter. =/
Woke up with a stiff neck and body aches,
plus relentless coughing and no voice.
I hate being sick, and SEEING A DOCTOR.
ohwell. I'm really late to go to Cheryl's.
She's gonna skin me alive. Andrea too.
Off I go.
3:09 PM
It's incongruous ain't it,
how you are expected to know the thoughts of others
when you are not even informed or told.
Sometimes, actions are not loud enough.
Words are meant to be spoken, to be heard.
Then, to be realised.
Assumptions are often engendered,
but they still remain as thoughts of yours, not a fact.
Yes.
I am oblivious to the obvious.
I am what you state, ignorant.
I do not know all that you proclaimed.
Well, how could I have possibly known when
I do not possess the capability of reading your mind,
nor did you endeavor to tell me?
I can't possibly soldier on with mere guessing.
Perhaps you should enlighten me about my lack of knowledge,
since you seem to be that cognizant.
"also,
you don't know how much i talk abt you to others.
you don't know how much i get hurt seeing
you getting hurt by my ignorance.
you don't know how much i love you."
Right back at you, dear.
I've never really held any strong opposition
to any of your suggestions before.
Not in the past, not now.
(other than you eating laksa when you lost your voice,
and going to places you shouldn't go and shouldn't do)
If that's what you truly believe and want,
still, I retain oppositions none.
And it pains me just as much,
That I didn't know so much regarding you.
2:25 PM
Wednesday, June 09, 2004
I've finally lost it.
Everything that I've fought so hard to suppress
detonated out of me just in a click of my fingers.
My gaiety, my veneer, my charade, my concealment
simply divulge the authencity of itself,
spilling out what I never wanted myself to confront.
As the hurt pulsate through every part of me,
having every atom pummeling against my naked flesh of my heart.
(okay, that's too aggrandizing)
But it hurt, more than I thought it would.
And because it did,
I don't know if things could ever return back to where it was,
whether we could be who we were formally.
Or perhaps it wasn't meant to in the first place.
Still, it hurts.
8:37 PM
"you must always remember that just because you think you give alot,
doesn't earn you the right to demand for as much as well,
because not everyone is willing to invest their time on the same things as you do."
-- Leona Hui
and ripped off Andrea's.
Ironically, it is on the same wavelength to a couple
of entries prior to this.
That's why sometimes I wish I have a facsimile of myself.
But perhaps it's better this way,
it makes life more enriching and interesting, does it not? :)
12:20 AM
Tuesday, June 08, 2004
Darren
Thanks for msging me in my loneliest times.
Although there isn't a consistent ripcoste.
Still, I genuinely appreciate it. :)
Henry
Heehee, I love you!
well, sometimes. hardly. barely.
ONLY if you let me win. :D
ANYWAY!
Thanks for listening to my rants n gripes,
and being around whenever I needed to let off steam.
You've been a true blessing, henry the horse.
10:57 PM
It's all because of you, I'm feeling sad and blue
You went away, now my life is just a rainy day
And I love you so, how much you'll never know
You've gone away and left me lonely
Untouchable memories, seem to keep haunting me
Of a love so true
That once turned all my gray skies blue
But you disappeared
Now my eyes are filled with tears
And I'm wishing you were here with me
Soaked with love, all my thoughts of you
Now that you're gone
I just don't know what to do
If only you were here
You'd wash away my tears
The sun would shine once again
You'd be mine all mine
But in reality, you and I will never be
Cause you took your love away from me
Girl, I don't know what I did
To make you leave me
But what I do know
Is that since you've been gone
There's such an emptiness inside
I'm wishing you'd come back to me
If only you were here
You'd wash away my tears
The sun would shine once again
You'd be mine, all mine
But in reality, you and I will never be
Cause you took your love away from me
Cause you took your love away from me..
2:28 AM
Monday, June 07, 2004
Most of us adapt our personalities so that we can be able
to deal with other people in the best way possible.
That's when people who know you in completely different ways
end up recognising you in the same area
11:56 PM
Sunday, June 06, 2004
You packed in the morning, I stared out the window
And I struggled for something to say
You left in the rain without closing the door
I didn't stand in your way.
But I miss you more than I missed you before
And now where I'll find comfort, God knows
Cause you left me just when I needed you most
Left me just when I needed you most.
Now most every morning, I stare out the window
And I think about where you might be
I've written you letters that I'd like to send
If you would just send one to me.
Cause I need you more than I needed before
And now where I'll find comfort, God knows
Cause you left me just when I needed you most
Left me just when I needed you most.
You packed in the morning, I stared out the window
And I struggled for something to say
You left in the rain without closing the door
I didn't stand in your way.
Now I love you more than I loved you before
And now where I'll find comfort, God knows
Cause you left me just when I needed you most
Oh yeah, you left me just when I needed you most
You left me just when I needed you most.
4:25 PM
Cheryl
Thanks for risking the chance to stay out late last night.
It definitely had a bearing with it.
Truly appreciate that. :)
You've been an awesome friend who always listens to my gripes,
regardless of whether they are nonsensical or gratuitous.
We can just talk about anything and everything.
I'm blessed from tip to toe to have you with me.
Thank you for being there whenever I needed somebody.
I love you Cheryl, not in a gay way.
Andrea
Hello silly poop! heehee.
Have always loved rebutting every word you say.
Thank you for listening to what's running in my head.
and for the multitudinous times you brought a smile to my face.
All that you've done means a great deal to me.
Especially your sweet msges and inane jokes.
Thank you for being who you are,
Someone I'll always remember, treasure and love.
Wanyi
Although we are not as close as we used to be
but as always, you'll always be someone I hold dear to my heart
and one whom I'll unfailingly be there regardless of situation.
I'll never forget the memories you've etched into my life
and all the mirth you have bequeathed unto me.
Thank you for being there when I needed someone to listen
and consistently being able to knock sense into my dense brain.
You have no clue how fortunate I exceedingly am,
to be able to have such a special someone like you in my life.
Thank you, sweetheart. I love you. :)
Rachel
I always find myself turning to you in times of need.
You're always around to help me whenever you could.
I could never thank you enough for that.
Plus you never fail to kick off my funny bone
with the amazingly daft things that you do.
You are honestly, really dear to me.
It is of no doubt I'll be here if you ever need someone.
Thank you for staying out with me last night too.
I am privileged to have such wonders as my company.
Carmbert
You are such a lovable idiot.
do you not know that? heh.
Thank you for the lip-smacking dinner last night.
And for your usual hilarity and well, psychosis.
heehee, you've truly added vibrant colours into my life.
It is always an indubitable elation to be around you.
I'm undeniably fluky to have you in my life.
Love you berto, for everything you've done, for who you are.
1:12 AM
Saturday, June 05, 2004
Walls are enticing me to clout it hard.
Bottles are persuading me to shatter it into smithereens.
Mirrors are beckoning to me to annihilate myself.
Cigs are cajoling me to savour it yet again.
Irrepressible riposte is what you'll get.
Fuck off far, if you want to live.
4:19 PM
Forget about you?
Easier said than done.
Perhaps, easy for you.
But I will.
I had enough anyway.
Don't you worry.
9:51 AM
I feel
loved, blessed, filled.
Saturated with an emotion I have not felt in
ages.
I feel renewed and refreshed.
Alive now, as you may even phrase.
Thank You.
Plus, what made it impeccably gratifying was who I was with.
They made me a happy happy girl.
Thanks Andrea, Emmo and Cheryl. :D
Wanted to meet someone terribly.
to share my mirth and my exuberance.
But that someone was too busy to even reply my msg.
Doesn't matter really. (alright, that's a lie)
It was a marvellous day.
Amen. :)
Hope tomorrow would be just as good.
12:33 AM
Thursday, June 03, 2004
Different edgings create my being.
Contradictory malevolence and humanity.
Blemishes to be accepted and acclimatized.
A dead ringer to my every piety.
1:35 AM
Wednesday, June 02, 2004
To The Man I Hate
The abhorrence for you is surging through me,
and it is not going to dispell anytime soon.
I swear.
Whatever you said lingers in my head
stabbing each corner with its sharpest ends.
Not only mine, but everyone else's too.
For that, I hate you.
You treat everyone like they're dirt.
You don't give them a bluidy damn respect.
And you don't deserve any of mine.
regardless of your status, pride, and whatever fuck not.
NOT A SINGLE BIT.
For that, I hate you.
You are fucking intoxicated by the poison you drink,
and fucking bamboozled by what you inhale.
What you spout is nothing but raging bullets,
and you never offer your contritions for them.
You are fucking irresponsible.
For that, I hate you.
You rant incessantly about what we should do.
You never practice what you damnit preach.
You think you know everything at the tip of your hand,
and never accept others' perceptions.
Your DRUNK pride assures you that you're right.
You are a fucking drunkard who thinks you-know-it-all.
For that, I hate you.
If you think your barbaric violence intimidates me,
you are so fucking wrong.
Go have a look in the mirror.
You are nothing but an inept weakling, in my eyes.
You put others down to make you feel better.
For that, I hate you
I do not care if you didn't mean what you spout.
You can fucking disown me, and it's okay.
And as I have said to you earlier,
Just fucking make sure you don't dropdead
before you see me achieve my damnit attainments.
I'll show you what it's like to be truly successful.
I will not provide for you then.
Go lick someone's boots for that.
My mother deserves a husband who's MUCH better.
My sister deserves a father who doesn't stir up trouble.
My brother deserves a childhood better than that.
My grandmother deserves a sensible and fillial son.
And because you are not, I hate you.
To the person I once called Dad,
I hate you.
So damn fucking much.
10:03 PM
Tuesday, June 01, 2004
Chinese Os..
possible pass, probable retake.
I honestly did not give my best.
Caught 2 fantastic movies today.
1. Shrek 2
2. The Way Home
Shrek 2 : Bone-tickling, incessant spurts of laughter.
The Way Home : Chord-striking, tears shiver through your body.
School tomorrow.
That bites. =/
1:52 AM
